Thursday, April 5, 2018

Thursday Thoughts (It's Been a Weird 10 Months)

No, you're reading this right. It's a blog post from me.

So, you may have noticed that I took about 2 months um... a long time off from blogging. A lot has happened over this period of time. LIKE A LOT. I thought I would be done with blogging for good. But lately, I've had that itch again. I just have things to talk about and what better audience than those that are still around in the blogosphere?

Let's catch up quickly over the last 10 months...

The biggest life change is that my precious mother passed away on July 29th. Things are so different now. I honestly feel so strange about it. I am still a little in shock and don't remember that she's no longer alive sometimes. She was diagnosed with brain cancer (anaplastic astrocytoma) on August 1st of 2016. Her funeral was 364 days after she was diagnosed.

Honestly, I question the "science" of medicine. I question our healthcare system. I question advice that people give me. I sometimes question God. So many "if-onlys" and "what-ifs"'s hard to really process this. Sometimes grief comes to sucker punch me to the gut and remind me of something random. Grief is such a strange thing. So far, we've been through what was her birthday, my birthday, Christmas and Easter without her. Not yet a full year has gone by and it seems so fresh sometimes. And I fully realize that many people have already walked this walk and been there but I haven' this is new for me.

I cannot control when grief decides to visit, but I can choose to remember the fond things and the good times with my mom. I don't want to remember her in pain or agitated or sad. I want to remember her when she was teaching me how to sing or when we would go to museums or on vacation. I want to remember her teaching me how to make Mississippi Mud Cake and how to throw a football.

If you care to read her obituary, it is here.

M and I purchased a home in an adjacent city/county to where we were living. We closed on the new house March 16th and have been in a little less than 3 weeks. We absolutely ADORE this new home and the new location. It's got everything we wanted and more. It's a single family home (vs. the townhouse we were in before) and it's more than double the size of our old place. Honestly, we got two couches delivered yesterday that I ordered and that is the first piece of actual furniture I have in the entire downstairs of the house. We brought our bedroom furniture and such and our living room furniture from the townhouse went into the loft living area upstairs in the new house. So...we need end tables, accent chairs, dining room chairs (table was ordered and will be delivered this week), a kitchen table and chairs and bar stools. I keep reminding myself that I don't have to buy it all at once but it's hard not to be overwhelmed with everything we still need to purchase! Here are a few pics. I hope that now since I (maybe? perhaps?) might start blogging a little more I can document the furniture purchase and decorating process.

We listed our townhouse for sale and it had an offer within and hour and under contract within 4 hours. The housing market in the Charlotte area is insane right now. INSANE!

Well, I guess those are the only two big changes since my last post. But those are big enough to warrant my "a lot has happened" comment in the beginning. I hope to keep up with this a bit more frequently but probably not nearly as regularly as before. Stay tuned! Or check back! Or something! :)


  1. I am devastated for you about your Mom. I have wanted to reach out to you but wasn't sure where you were with it. I'm glad you've written about it here. Grief is very strange and very unique but also somehow not. I know your honesty will help someone else. I just read her obituary and she sounds like just a wonderful person to know. I don't think we ever stop missing people, but I sure hope we can carry them on with us, especially the good stuff. Still wishing peace and love for you and your family.

    I mean, if you furnish and decorate a new home but don't blog about it, did it even happen? Now is a good time to come back.

  2. Can't even describe how happy I was to see a new post from you:)
    Can't wait to see more about your house, just enjoy one little area at a time, as you make it your own. Let it all slowly bloom...savor:)....
    Thank you for your honest words about grief. I think you're doing good at this, but don't let anyone words of critique or even "good advice" take root in your mind unless you truly feel they are helpful at that moment (or later). No one is a pro at grieving the loss of an extraordinary/deeper than the deepest water life......people may be pros at how to get over the loss of a favorite t-shirt....but never how to get over/through the loss of a specific to you amazing person who is in part responsible for your every breath and note of song.
    I STILL have the what ifs and pockets of "anger" at "medicine" after 9.5 years..... but they go as fast as they come usually. As long as I refuse to dwell TOO long to where I feel my blood pressure rise and my mind get anxious:)

    So YAY if you keep posting...... and YAY if you don't post again for another long while:)

    love Cindy


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