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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Don't Be The Janky Halloween Candy House

My handout candy stash last year.

Halloween is a mere 30 days away. I'm going to share with y'all a big secret that will help you gain mad street cred in your 'hood and also keep kids from egging or TPing your house.

Ready for it?

Don't be the janky Halloween candy house.

Just don't do it.

No matter how strong the urge is to buy cheap/generic or disgusting candy, DO NOT DO IT! If you want to save money, get you a coupon for that name brand candy (they do exist!) and save a little bit that way. If you hand out janky candy, it will backfire on you. You may get egged or TP'd. You may experience the horror of kids giving you your candy back after you've given it to them. Or, you could hurt the Earth by having your unused candy be thrown away and taken to a landfill where it is eaten by animals that then suffer from your supposed "thriftiness". (obviously this last one was a bit of an exaggeration...)

If you experience the urge to buy any of the following candies, immediately remove yourself from the situation and call a close friend to buy the candy for you. If you don't have to see the price of it, you won't worry. Just hand your friend a $20 and tell them to pick you up some Reese's and then you'll have peace of mind.

Do not, under any circumstances, purchase the following bobo candy:

 
These are often referred to as "Mary Janes". I call them a "no".
 
 
Necco wafers. No. That goes for Smarties too. They're gross.

 
Bottlecaps. Does anyone even really eat these?
 
 
The strawberry-flavored candies of doom.
 
 
This is a candy for grandmas. Nope, nope, nope!
 
No-name, wrapped hard candies? I'm gonna pelt you with these if you give them to me.

 
Pretty much everything in this picture. Dead. (except for Hershey's!)
 
 
Consider this your friendly public service announcement. Don't be the janky Halloween candy house. Your neighbors and their kids will thank you.
 


8 comments:

  1. Love it! I totally agree with you. I remember getting all of them except bottlecaps, and it was always so disappointing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're lucky you never got Bottlecaps. They are a poor man's sweetart.

      Delete
  2. I agree with you about gross candy. However, I would advise against Reese's. Many, many children are allergic to peanuts. Halloween can be extremely difficult for their parents (I'm speaking from experience here). Fun size plain M&Ms, Skittles, Milky Way bars, 3 Musketeers, and Junior Mints are all great options.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES! M&Ms and Skittles are usually staples. I try to buy stuff I won't eat (so I'll still have candy come Halloween!!).

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. TC have you seen the candy corn M&Ms? Dead.

      Delete
  4. One simply does not cheap out on Halloween candy.

    ReplyDelete

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