Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Hewitt's Thoughts v.7: Christmas

Hello weirdos, Hewitt here.

I'm dictating my thoughts to mom and being the proper biped slave she is, she's diligently typing them as I speak. Below are my thoughts on Christmas...

Christmas is weird. It's shiny, smelly and there's sparkly stuff everywhere. I constantly have glitter in my fur which is annoying AF. However, there are also many delicious human delicacies to consume so I think they kind of balance each other out.

Things I Like About Christmas

The Tree

I'm oddly obsessed with it. I like to just stare at it. Sometimes I hide under it. Mostly I enjoy sniffing around underneath it as new boxes and bags come to live there. I used to love the tree more because there were always bags with tissue paper (aka my favorite stuff to shred) under there but I think mommy got wise to my scheme and now puts the bags out of my reach. That jerk.

The Food
Sausage balls, pinwheels, cookies, dips, veggies and bacon smells fill my mind at Christmastime. If I'm lucky (and fast) I might have a chance to sample if mom or dad drops anything.

Socks (Dictators Note: He means stockings)
It's weird that there are socks on the fireplace but I'm okay with it because one of them is for me and usually contains delicious dog snacks.

Gift Boxes
I love to nap in them. True story.

Things I Do Not Like About Christmas

Posing for Photos

This is quite unsavory and I do not enjoy it. I try my best to make an annoyed or indifferent face in my posed Christmas pics. 


Under no circumstance should Hewitts ever wear clothes. Christmas is no exception.

The Grinch

He is evil and green. Only I am allowed to be the most evil thing in the house. Goodbye, Grinch.

Well that's basically all of my thoughts on Christmas. Catch you later jerks!

Read all of Hewitt's posts here.


  1. Oh, Hewitt, you can try to look grumpy and grouchy all you want, but I still think you are adorable.


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