Friday, May 3, 2013

Hewitt's Thoughts

Hello there humans.

Hewitt, here.

Mother has relinquished control of her blog long enough to let me post some thoughts. Prepare yourselves to dive straight into the world that is Hewitt Clarence.

  • My thoughts on wheels: Some of the things I hate the most are kids on wheeled things (bikes, strollers, scooters, etc.) and, yet, they are every where now that it's warm outside. I don't understand the need for these. You humans have legs (albeit only 2...thus showing your inferiority to the canine kind) so use them!
  • My thoughts on compost: I don't understand why I can't eat anything out of the compost pile. It's still food. You ate some of it at some why can't I? The tantalizing mixture of coffee grounds, banana peels, cantaloupe rinds and onion skins is absolutely delicious.
  • My thoughts on bathing: I also don't understand why you humans bathe everyday. It's just weird. Sometimes, when Mom goes more than one day without bathing I love it. She gets right to where I think she smells good and then she goes and gets in that big water thing that comes out of the top of the tub. [Once when Mom was bathing me, this contraption accidentally came on and sprayed water all over me. It was the worst. Almost as bad as having to go outside and pee pee in the rain.]
  • My thoughts on summer: It's the time of year when I'm always hot. You see, I don't sweat, so I must constantly be on the lookout for the coolest and darkest corners in the house. I love to make my summer home on the wood floor of the powder room downstairs, but laying in there doesn't give me ample view of the rest of the downstairs like some other places do. This greatly inhibits my ability to keep a secure watch on the house and compromises my centurion duties. 
  • My thoughts on captivity: I despise the fact that my Mom uses a baby gate to keep me on the porch. I'm not a baby. I'm 70 in dog years! I promise I won't run away...for long.
  • My thoughts on the election: I don't really know all of who ran for President...but I think there was someone named Broncobama.
  • My thoughts on Mom's boyfriend: He smells of another dog and so I am inherently skeptical. However, he very obediently plays with me when I bring him my caterpillar or my goose toys so I like him for that. I do not like when he tries to give Mom a hug because it looks like he might be hurting her. I don't understand why humans show affection in this way. It's strange.
  • My thoughts on peanut butter: I will always love peanut butter. 
  • My thoughts on Pugs: They are quite interesting to look at, but very noisy.
  • My thoughts on Labs: WAY too happy. To win a human's affection you must act like you hate them and then they will love you. This is my diabolical plan with all humans.
  • My thoughts on Poodles: They are okay.
Well, I'm glad you let me share my thoughts with you. Maybe my Mom will let me come back and share more thoughts with you again sometime.

Love, Hewitt

Special thanks to Gus and Geege and their mom for giving me ideas for my post!


  1. Oh my goodness, are too cute!

  2. Oh hello Hewitt!!!

    I love this. Hewitt is so cute, and a centurion to boot!

  3. I'd watch this once again simply to pay attention towards the narrator. :D Adore that accent!

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  4. April.
    I needed this today. Totally made my day! That was the cutest post ever.


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