Monday, April 28, 2014

How to Annoy Your Friends on Facebook

Hello blog friends.

Today, I'd like to dedicate an entire post to the social media channel known as Facebook. Facebooking (yes, I'm pretty sure I invented that just now) comes with responsibilities. You have a responsibility to yourself to be safe and a responsibility to your FB friends to not annoy the ever-living crap out of them.

With great power, comes great responsibility, y'all. I believe someone famous said that or something. Well, it's true with regards to FB. You have the attention of a massive amount of people (much more than you'd probably ever have face-to-face at once) so you have a responsibility to keep your content fresh, relevant, short and most importantly, to NOT annoy your friends.

How do you annoy your FB friends? Simply by doing any of the below.

You should always check-in all the time on FB. Make sure you check-in at the most mundane and random places ever and do it all the time so people know exactly where you are at all times. (Because that is really safe.) Geolocate all your statuses and make sure that people know when you are at home, at the movies, the grocery store and even in the bathroom. That's awesome!

Post vague or obvious statuses
You should definitely post FB statuses that the majority of people agree with to get likes or comments. Try to focus on something that most normal people hate like animal abusers, child abusers or pedophiles. Posting a status about them and how bad they are is really a great way to get activity on your page because probably no one in the entire world shares your same opinion. Also, when something bad happens to you, post a vague status like, "What a horrible day" or "WHY ME?!" and then don't comment further so people reply for details. Definitely, DEFINITELY don't put all the details on FB. Make people pull it out of you.

Use a lot of hashtags
This one is simple. Hashtags now work on FB. (Did y'all know this?) So, use them away! Make sure you use some irrelevant hashtags like #tagsforlikes, #l4l, #pretty, #puppies and maybe even something like #awesome. Hashtag away, my friends!

Tag people in every photo!
Tag people in every single picture of them. Don't just tag them in one and let them tag themselves, tag the heck outta them. Fill up their pages with photos of them! Bonus points if you post a bunch of old high school/childhood photos and tag them in every one. Because EVERYONE wants old unflattering photos of themselves on their page, duh!

So, if you want to annoy your FB friends, make sure you do some or all of these things! And have a happy, HAPPY Monday! :)


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